Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mr. Palmer Is Concerned With The Thousand Dollar Question [just like roger he's a crazy little kid]

I no longer have internet access at my place anymore, so I've been keeping an offline blog to post when I can. Just some random ramblings, nothing important.

11/19/07
Why is it that I cannot give up wearing sandals, shorts, and a t-shirt even though it is obviously cold outside? It's as if the idea of losing the memories of the summer is too unbearable, or maybe I just don't want to admit that the inevitable is coming. I know it will eventually get too cold for my clothing habits, yet I desperately hope for something to intervene. Perhaps global warming won't be so bad after all. Sure, thousands of species will become extinct, but at least I'll be able to wear my sandals year round. Gee, I'm starting to sound human. Caring only about what affects me and nothing more.

My thoughts are terribly confusing. They are torn between two sides. The first is my current life. Although its end is nearing, I am presently in the military. From my experiences I have learned everything that I should have learned before hand, but that is neither here nor there. Heartache, loyalty, disappointment, resentment, and even love. Through my years of enlistment I have met many people, some whom I care about and some whom I do not; nonetheless, they are all important in my life. I have even met my now wife which is probably the best thing that I can pull from all of these years. On the other hand, I have the life I could be living, which, lovely thinking, does not include the military. If my path of college had not failed, I would already have a bachelors degree, working on my masters, and eventually my doctorate. I would be one step closer to the dreams and aspirations my life was once blessed with, but none of that seems possible now. I perhaps would have never made it through college without the knowledge I possess now, but in the same aspect, I may be stuck in a life I do not wish to live because of the path I chose. Can I still go to college while supporting a wife and child? Will I be smart enough to take the classes I wish to take? I fear that I have lost all that I learned in high school, which is the foundation upon which college is based on. I have not a single regret in regards to my wife and daughter; they are the world to me, and I will do everything and anything for them. Ironic, isn't it, that what dreams and aspirations I have, fullfilled, would be the best thing for all of us? I would be able to support all three of us with no fear of finding a job, having money, food, clothing, shelter, etc. I mean, a job in the science field is usually accompanied by a fairly generous pay check. Granted, money is not everything, but it sure as hell does make the world go 'round, and without money you're not shit. The way I think about it, I have two choices. After my enlistment has expired, I either find a job right away and stick with it for years upon years, whether or not I will be happy doing what I will be doing is questionable but it will provide a pay check to put food on the table. Option B is to go ahead and go to school, take the classes I've always wanted to take, get that degree that could possibly land me the career I've always wanted, all the while taking on some low paying job just to make some extra money, while Lisa works full time to give us some actual income. The latter seems more logical, of course, but what if I... fail? What if I cannot do what I couldn't do four years ago? I do believe I found something I fear. Failure. It seems to be following me around lately, and if I can't shake it, well, my questions will still stand: what do I do?

On a more positive note, I should be receiving a large paycheck come the first. A few months of back pay for BAQ, Decembers BAQ, and the normal check. Can you say four grand? Maybe even more? I'm definitely not mad at that. Speaking of December, I will be turning twenty three on the seventh. So, what have I done that most twenty three year olds haven't done? After growing up in Rhode Island, I've lived in Texas, Florida, Virginia, Nevada, Georgia, and Japan. I've married and have an absolutely beautiful daughter. Now, what do they have that I don't? Oh, that's right, an education. Now all I can think of is the paragraph above.

Something interesting that the wife and I were talking about. I wish that I was proud of my job in the Air Force. I wish that I could be all hoorah and hua about this and that, but I just don't think that what I do is anything to write home about. I mean, from my point of view, I help support the waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars per day, and for what, oil? I don't even want to rant about this, so I won't, but the brainwashing just never worked with me. I wanted to be brainwashed, too; I was hoping basic training would carve me into the poster boy airman, that the "serving your country" spam that they feed us would break my defenses. I wanted to be that guy that, when asked what he was doing with his life, would respond with, "I serve my country with honor and pride. What do you do?" I guess you don't get everything you wish for, huh. In the end I'm glad I never broke, because serving this country is not anything to be proud of. Part of me is damn glad that I'm leaving the service. Sure, we have a nicely written past that we read about in our text books, but look at our current state of affairs right now. Oil sure doesn't seem to be a good excuse for massacre. Doesn't seem like a good excuse for staging terrorist attacks on NYC, then waging a war against "terrorism," which, if you haven't noticed, is not the kind of war you just "win." Apparently no one has realized that we are terrorists, therefore we are waging war against ourselves. I sure hope we win, guys. The end of the war is going to great, with every terrorist gone from this earth. Too bad there will be no one left to enjoy the peace.

Q: Who is Beverly Clearly?
A: A children's book author.

11/20/07

So Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I won't even bother writing about my immense sadness that I won't be having Thanksgiving dinner with my wife (our first Thanksgiving), daughter (her first Thanksgiving), mother, and other family. And no, I don't have any dinner plans with friends. I do have plans, though. I figure if I'm going to be alone on Thanksgiving I might as well make it worth it. What better time to go to the gym than on Thanksgiving night? Who else in there right mind is working out when they can be eating a plump, juicy turkey with "all tha fixins"? Everyone else is going to get fat on Thursday, I'm going to get a work out. I haven't committed myself to working out for a few years, and as such I haven't been to the gym in quite a while. The first day back at the gym is always the most motivating, so I'll have free range on all equipment and weights. I will feel a little guilty for not eating some of our feathered friends, though. Perhaps I'll purchase a Hungry Man Turkey Dinner from the commissary the day before?

What better way to hide your sadness than self-improving optimism?

I did give in to my money spending urges today. I bought a book called "The Wheel of Darkness," by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Description: "A luxury ocean liner on its maiden voyage across the North Atlantic, awash in wealth and decadence... An ancient Tibetan box, its contents unknown, sealed with a terrifying warning... An FBI agent destined to confront what he fears most--himself." THE WHEEL OF DARKNESS- "When the Agozyen walks the Western Sea, And Darkness upon darkness wheels, The waters shall rise up in fury..." The first chapter was pretty interesting, so I'll try to write a spoiler free report after I finish.

Retrospect--the good ol' days.

10/22/07

I didn't think Thanksgiving would be this hard. All I can think about is Lisa, Adriana, and the rest of the family.

10/25/07

Well, I spent all Thanksgiving reading "The Wheel of Darkness." I have to say, it was one of the better books I've had the privilage to read. One chapter in and I couldn't put it down. Literally. I spent the entire day reading it from chapter two to the end. A definite five star read. To my surprise, this is not the first book of its kind; the "Pendergast novels," as they call it, are eight deep so far, with "The Wheel of Darkness" on the latter end. In order, "Relic," "Reliquary," "The Cabinet of Curiosities," "Still Life with Crows," "Brimstone," "Dance of Death," and "The Book of the Dead." Pendergast is the protagonist in the novels, by the way. Also, isn't "The Book of the Dead" the "Necronomicon" or something to that affect? I'm not sure where I heard that but it sounds so familiar. This is going to annoy the piss out of me until I figuer it out... I wish I had the internet in this cubicle.

I've been getting into too many fights lately. It isn't like me to fight at all, but my former friends... a few of them are just so childish, it reminds me of high school. It just so happens that my level of caring is so low nowadays and the simple taunts make me break. I've been lucky to avoid trouble so far but unless I calm down a bit I fear that trouble will be in my face sooner than I think. Even though the chances of staying on this island are slim to none, there is still a slight chance it could happen, and fighting is not going to help at all.

Even though it is quite cold outside, I will be snorkling next week, after my base restriction is null and void. Pictures will be taken (underwater camera), I don't care how cold it is. I wouldn't bother until next summer but the cold hard fact that I need to admit to myself is that there will most likely not be a next summer in Okinawa. I'm not leaving without underwater pictures, so I'll just have to suck it up and be cold.

Speaking of Okinawa, Sarah would die if she saw what I drank a few weeks ago. A Final Fantasy Potion. Family Mart sells official FF potions, which tastes kind of like Lifeguard, almost like a calmer Red Bull without the energy. It is indeed delicious, although the price tag isn't very friendly; 200 Yen for one. The can is just like all of the other Japanese cans, which are a lot tougher than American cans. The only way to crush them is to step on them. The cans feature one of several FF7 scenes, Advent Children style. Nifty.

Oh, a question for everyone: Is Wendy's selling a "Creamy Mushroom Chicken" sandwich back in the states?

Japan makes me jealous. Most advertisements in the newspaper and on the streets include a special barcode which will bring you to a special website that usually includes coupons not normally available. You simply scan it on your computer with a bar code scanner or on your cell phone, most of which have bar code scanners. I know that ProJo was trying to introduce the same type of product but I don't remember it ever lifting off quite far. Oh, and let's not forget the drink machines that allow you to use your SIM card to pay, which in turn adds the price to your cell phone bill. Some even accept credit card! Grr... I'm going to miss this place so much.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

BAM!



The only funny commercial on AFN. Seriously, AFN is as close as you can get to government propaganda. In any case, this shit is pretty hilarious.