My ex is an idiot

The following conversation just took place before I came to work via text message. Be warned, you might become stupider by reading it (see, I just said stupider; told you so). The only thing I've changed is her grammar and spelling; I'm a bit of a grammar nazi (don't correct my typos or I'll kill you in your sleep).

Ex: Mike, I miss you.
Me: What the hell?
Ex: My boyfriend pushed me today and I fell.
Me: Well then dump his bitch ass!
Ex: Well I can't blame him... he thought I was mad with him because of his LD.
Me: His LD?
Ex: He has a potent case of autism.
Me: Hahaha, you're dating a retard AND he kicked your ass?
Ex: Shut up, he is NOT retarded!
Me: Maybe, but you sure as hell are.

(Not caring that I just called her an idiot, she continues)

Ex: My roommate has Assburgers [seriously, she typed that; it is spelt Asperger's] and is blonde and really dumb, but she has a record deal. Do you want her?
Me: No thanks, I only date normal girls, like the one I am dating now.
Ex: She's a virgin.
Me: What kind of record deal? Does she grunt excessively in tune to the beat?
Ex: No, she sings pop.
Me: Same difference.

(Apparently she doesn't mind that I'm insulting her roommate and continues to try to hook us up... still randomly)

Me: So she'll put out?
Ex: VIRGIN
Ex: But you're hot and smart so you could convince her. By the way she has a boyfriend.
Me: So you want me to run game on a retarded pop singer who is not only a virgin but has a boyfriend?
Ex: She's cute.
Me: You're a moron.
Ex: I miss you.
Me: And I miss slap bracelets. Go away.

There is no God.

Edit: I've been asked when we dated, etc. Ex and I dated when I was in high school, in 2003. We broke up because she cheated on me with her ex.