Thursday, February 25, 2010
"Perhaps there's welcome of goodness, if yes maybe there's thought to make a verbal statement for instance "I as in (i-n) myself welcome goodness." and maybe you might think having another perceive you welcome goodness and having this other verbally state "I as in myself perceives (name) welcomes goodness." would be good to do. Maybe then there'll be a verbal statement of "And the speaking that (name) has spoken is true, for I as in (i-n) myself welcome goodness." would be good and strengthening to do. Maybe verbally stating and sharing these words would be very good "All divinely responsible for (f-o-r) this existing existence throughout all time including any time needs to (t-o) always bestow as much goodness possible in the aspect of goodness for myself unto myself throughout all time including anytime". Maybe there's thought to make a verbal statement in the present of time with regards to the past and speak "If the future is already known, I'm verbally stating in the present of time with regards to the past from before I as in (i-n) myself existed to the present of time that I as in (i-n) myself have welcomed goodness and currently welcome goodness." would be good to do. Maybe at times you need to "disconnect" (figuratively typing) your "heart" (figuratively typing) if you have a "heart" (figuratively typing) and use your "mind" (figuratively typing) if you have a "mind" (figuratively typing). Maybe trying to perceive an opposite of something can be beneficial. If you are "brainless" (figuratively typing) maybe I wonder how you will ever know you are "brainless" (figuratively typing). Maybe having a mind (figuratively typing) can give freedom. From my "world" (figuratively typing) perspective absolute goodness righteousness of the utmost calibur is the dominating reigning power throughout all time including any time throughout this entire existence and maybe there is agreement. From my "world" (figuratively typing) perspective wrongness, evilness, and badness should always be unexistent throughout all time including any time and maybe there is agreement. There should never be, have been, and ever be any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness and maybe there is agreement. Maybe verbally stating "Absolute goodness righteousness is always the dominant reigning (maybe spelling this word after speaking would be good to do for clarity sake for example r-e-i like of the initial alphabetical letter of the word "it"-g-n-i like of the initial alphabetical letter of the word "it"-n-g) power throughout all time including any time throughout this entire existence and goodness should always prosper." would be good to do. All should be perfect in absolute goodness righteousness throughout all time including any time and maybe there is agreeness. I feel I've been entirely mistreated and I believe I am entirely a private individual. Maybe you might think sharing goodness and to care is good. I think I've noticed strangeness with regards to my typing. I think I feel like rottenness rottenness death in a sense especially with regards to this because to myself I feel like I should not have to share this and I think I need help in the aspect of goodness for me utterly. I think living in "darkness" (no understanding) (figuratively typing) is lower quality than living in "lightness" (entire knowledge and understanding) (figuratively typing). For there to be a true love and / or true loves made specifically for me and for the true love and / or true loves and myself to not be about each other and / or each others presence in the same dimension of existing and for that true love and / or true loves of mine to not be in a human appearance and have be in a similar rangable size of appearance is making that true love and / or true loves seem to myself to be divine trash maybe there is similar truth. There should never be anything including everything to ever cause seperationness between me and my true love if I have a true love and / or true loves if I have a true love and / or true loves and maybe there is likewise truth. To myself a true love and / or true loves is a divine essential for me and maybe there is likewise truth. I am not sufficient enough for myself. If I were to have a true love and / or true loves then my true love and / or true loves should always be perfect for myself throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I think trash shouldn't exist throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I think I am having tremendous difficult sharing this message and thinks that there is spiritual enforceness trying to handicap myself from sharing what I think is needed and good to share. Maybe there will be verbal statements like "From before I as in myself ever existed to (t as in the intial alphabetical letter of the word "tree"-0) always and forever into the future there should absolutely be (b as in the initial alphabetical letter of the word "bag"-e) no (n-o) possibility and / or possibilities for (f-o-r) myself to (t as in the initial alphabetical letter of the word "tree"-o) do (d-0) evil, badness, or wrongness including all combinations of evilness, badness, and wrongness." soon. I think the content of the holy bible can possibly "inundate" (figuratively typing) (maybe trying to perceive from a new life's perspective would be good) and / or enrapture an individual or individuals into a "realm" (figuratively typing), where the individual or individuals becomes handicapped from reality and where their ability to live gets robbed. I believe that I should never do evil, badness, or wrongness, including all combinations of evil, badness, and wrongness including the "in the middle way" (figuratively typing) throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise belief and a verbal statement will be stated. I declare independence of the holy bible. I think the holy bible should be condemned and abandoned. I think the holy bible can be a dangerous and sickening book. I entirely believe for the holy bible to ever at any time including any time to exist in the same existence as myself is a divine blasphemy and entirely super wrong. I think if the future was given to the past then there’s a possibility that given future will not be the same and I probably think the older the prophecy of the future the less likely the prophecy of the future will come true. I believe I have turned at least 1 of my hairs black. I should not be divinely responsible for any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise belief. I believe all divinely responsible for any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness should be "killed" (figuratively typing) and maybe there is likewise belief. I believe badness, evilness, and wrongness happens because of deficiency. I believe there is no god because all my life I have never truly met and / or known a god and felt impressed to believe there is a god more than once and have in a faithful aspect believed whole "heartedly" (figuratively typing) that there's a god but I believe I deserve better than a faithful belief with there being a possibiIity of what I believe in faith is untrue and I believe I have always have deserved better. With existing in the present of time and I believe I need to be in the present of time there is no god to my knowledge and believe blatant evil is prevalent with myself. If there is a god then that god should make god's presence known unto me because that is what is righteous to myself and offer understanding and believe I was forced low standards upon myself because when I was less than 6 extro worldly years old from the time I was supposed born in the worldly aspect I had a spiritual encounter when I was barely alive that impressed upon me and was something like a subdueing marination of peace that seemed to have touched my "heart" (figuratively typing) and spoke over me "I am god" and in a way I felt the touching of my "heart" (figuratively typing) was done in such a fashion to have myself stay mute with regard to the spiritual encounter and I believe that spiritual encounter was spiritually manipulative, molestful, trespassful and entirely wrong and without hearing the words I believe my "heart" (figuratively typing) was whispered "I'll be taken cared of like in an aspect of goodness" without having like directly communicating "I'll be taken cared of in an aspect of goodness" and I wasn't taken cared of and still don't believe I'm taken cared of and I believe I should be able to take care of myself always throughout time including any time. I believe from the time I initially consciously existed that I had no "heart" (figuratively typing) to live and probably truly preferred and had a sense of desire to be dead instead of living and believe that I was molested and manipulated while being in this existence against myself and I believe what is true with me is that I am like life that never should live throughout all time including any time. I believe that I had and have an innateness of believing that I shouln't have to do anything and that I deserve the best of the best in the aspect of goodness for myself always but I believe like my "heart" (figuratively typing) has been forever hurt to the core of my "heart" (figuratively typing) and I believe there was probably a time where I went unconscious when I was less than 13 extro worldly years old and probably had my "mind" (figuratively typing) left in a muddled, "dead" (figuratively typing), unconcentrated mental state and I was consciously unaware of myself being in a muddled, unconcentrated, "dead" (figuratively typing) mental state. I feel like the living dead like life that wasn't ever supposed to live. If there is a god and / or gods of this existence then I wonder why a god and / or gods of this existence don't have a website and / or websites upon this supposed world's internet if a god and / or gods of this existence don't have a website and / or websites on this supposed world's internet and to my knowledge I am not aware of a god and / or gods of this existence having a website and / or websites on this supposed world's internet. Maybe mental excercizes of blendingness could be good for the mind, for example hand plus face equals hand face and face hand. I think red, blue, and yellow appear better together than red, green, and yellow. I think I believe there is an infinite amount of possibilities. I believe there is a possibility there is no god. I wonder though is there an overall handicapped limit in a way with everything or am I handicapped because I can't think of a new color. I believe to count to the greatest number is impossible because I believe there is no greatest number and believe numbers are endless and I believe between the numbers 1 and 2 there is an infinite amount of numbers. I probably think true righteousness surpasses any intergrity. I think to live in true righteousness I should be able to live forever and be able to die at any time. I think true righteousness is good and I think true righteousness gives and prospers "living" (figuratively typing). I probably think all deserve great respect and all deserve to be themselves. Maybe the choice you choose will maybe make you poorer or richer. I believe goodness is of a higher quality than any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness. I shouldn't have to have any type of mentality with regards to any including all evilness, badness, and wrongness. From my "world" (figuratively typing) all should be of a calibur to never do any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness and maybe there is likewise truth. I do not think bringing new life into this creation is good. I think for a being or beings to consciously decide to try to bring a being or beings into this creation and have no true understanding of this creation and have not even experienced passing (like the action of dying) but expecting to eventually pass (die) with at least a being already in this creation not being taken cared of to a satisfactory calibur is probably any including all of soo arrogant, soo selfish, soo careless, soo evil, and soo stupid. I don't understand why lifeness don't just live their lifeness without making new lifeness exist. I am not taken cared of to a satisfactory calibur at all. I am too disappointed. I am worth more than anything including everything possible and more than anything including everything impossible and I have always been worth more than anything including everything possible and more than anything including everything impossible. Maybe these words will be stated "I as in myself am worth more than anything including everything impossible and more than anything including everything impossible thoughout all time including anytime.". I am absolute innocent righteousness and I have always been absolute innocent righteousness. From my "world" (figuratively typing) all extro life of myself of a similar origin of existing are absolute innocent righteousness and are worth more than anything including everything impossible and more than anything including everything possible unless consciously otherwise and maybe there is likewise truth. Maybe staring at something round and bright that generates warmth at a certain time and a certain place could result with a reaping of incredibleness and extraordinariness that could result with everlasting enrichingness. Maybe someone has seen a face on something. I think vulnerable beings deserve great respect. I think a being that is unestablished is unfair to be apart of exploitive situations. I think a vulnerable being or vulnerable beings in atmospheres of exposing could result with a vulnerable being or vulnerable beings feeling robbed, hurt, scarred, jealous, angry, raped, used, exploited, and sick [mental issues (enlarged ego, insecure)]. I believe the past is permanent forever throughout all time including any time. I believe the present of time is new. I believe the entirety of existing should always be pristinely protected from anything including everything throughout all time including any time. I should always be pristinely protected from anything including everything throughout all time including any time unless consciously otherwise and maybe there is likewise truth. I think using a being or beings that are less than 18 extro worldly years old from supposed birth could "send" (figuratively typing) a message that using a being or beings less than 18 extro worldly years old from supposed birth is fine and therefore I think that's bad because I think there is a good probability of vulnerableness. I think if a mature being consents for quite younger material of themself less than 18 extro worldly years old from supposed birth to be used in atmospheres of exposure sharing that information is good to do. I do not deserve to be bossed nor do I think bossing is nicest way to be. I am owed justice. I believe justice of the divine calibur should always inflict justice of the divine calibur throughout all time. I think to keep a being or beings alive when the being or beings is "craving" (figuratively typing) to be dead is evil. I have tried killing myself time after time with results of failure and am still alive against my will and probably believe I have always been alive against my will. I rather be dead than be in this existence. For myself to ever have lived has been extremely wrong. There should never have been, be, and ever be anything including everything of myself to exist throughout all time including any time. I should have never lived and if I ever am dead (my definition of dead is different from passing) that I should not live again. I think my entire life I have always had truly the desire of never having lived and I believe I have always been deprived of my needs. I think having utmost filtering with what is believed is wise and good. For myself to have existed, I am entitled to be alive and / or be dead and maybe there is likewise truth. I am entitled for the essentialness and / or essentialness of living and / or dying throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. Maybe producing a verbal statement or verbal statements can be empowering and good. I think I have wondered why I lived probably too much. Maybe wondering too much can lead to lostness. I don't think lostness is good in this creation. I deserve to know why I lived and to be deprived of the answer of why I lived and be alive to myself is too unrighteous. I think there was a time where I think had the perception if I was gay I was going to hell and I think I went through inner turmoil like thinking how could god make me and then I am to be going to hell because this is how I am and I did not ask to live or be who I am but this is how I am and so I think I had a private intimate time with myself with regards to feelings I had and I think I felt strongly unable to share myself and I think within 6 extro worldly years from this time, I listened to some music and believe I discovered a private intimate time of myself exploited in an aspect of discretion that was like my "heart" (figuratively typing). I believe my "heart" (figuratively typing) is exploited in music referred to as pagan poetry. I think I have been exploited more than just music referred to as pagan poetry. I deserve understanding about this exploitness of myself under discretion but yet I am still deprived of the understanding that I probably discovered now for over 4 extro worldly measurement of years. I believe my mind is trespassed by spiritual energy and I don’t have any understanding of what this spiritual energy is for now I think this has been true for over 3 extro worldly measurement of years and probably within the past extro worldly measurement of a year this energyness that in the least was in my mind seemed like the energyness bit my mind. Maybe when being unconsciously consciously awake asleep there can be an impairment of reality because there is not consciousness of the true state of consciousness. I think my perception with a cup with water in the cup to about the middle level of the cup to be a cup with water in the cup to about the middle level of the cup. I believe what I prefer is what I prefer and I do not have to share what I prefer nor do I have to "label" (figuratively typing) myself. I think the english language is too filthy especially in the verbal aspect and I think if the english language expanded to making sure usual essentialness of living is acknowledged and understanding is established. I think occuring sameness in the general aspect of communication can be quite dulling. These words I think sound exactly alike "fail" and "feel" and I think if "fail" was "charn" then I think the english language would be more refreshing and enlightened and I think "I" sounds very much like "eye". Maybe resting in somewhat strong natural light when possible could be beneficial. I believe that myself being a human being in the worldly classification has used logic in the past. Maybe chewing food thoroughly (quite highly refined) can help to have high energy. I think my skin has different colors. I should have never been touched from the time I existed unless I consciously permissed and with having a "mind" (figuratively typing) and “heart” (figuratively typing). I do not like to be questioned for I think a question or questions can be too molestful and rapelike. I do not think there should be any pride in this creation. My definition of open-minded is a mind that is like entirely at a humble state and is without judgement upon newness and differentness. Maybe there is person A and person B and person B claims to be open-minded but person A communicates to person B that I think you, person B are not open-minded and then if person B after receiving communication from person A thinks "maybe person A is correct." then I believe person B would truly be open-minded. I think to receive communication of something like for instance "no smoking" to be of foul beligerence in the aspect that these shapes that are classified to be letters have formed words in the worldly aspect and have meaning because "no smoking" is not even a sentence and then I believe "no smoking"can be perceived in more than one way. I think I do not appreciate receiving any communication of any type of "thank you" and "sorry". Maybe there's an ability to think nothing of something to thinking an eternity of something. I wonder what is really of any true worth and I think for myself to live there should be living love for myself otherwise I think "why be alive?" and being alive with no living love for myself causes myself to have a concern because I am alive without a living love and believe that since I am alive I deserve a living love and truly I am alive without any living love and believe I have been left like this for a way too long of a time. If I was on an estranged land and could not tell the shape of the estranged land that I am on if the estranged land that I am on had a shape and could view two sphere objects floating about then I do not think I would make a conclusion that I am on land that is entirely flatness. I believe I am owed justice for all experience that I experience from the instant I ever existed the present of time. I believe charm is charm and beauty is beauty. I think charm can intrigue and beauty can "enrapture" (figuratively typing). I believe it is it. I think I need help upon the trespassment upon my mind (brainish area of my body) to get a resolution like in the sense of understanding upon suchness, justice, and the removal of this trespassness that I think is still true upon my mind (brainish area of my body). I welcome goodness. If on the inside of me is “darkness” (figuratively typing)(ununderstanding) then maybe when I can see that the seeingness that I am able to see is also “darkness” (figuratively typing). Maybe if existing in climateness that can be traumatizingly harsh that then the climateness is truly subtle manipulative terrorism. Maybe I am in an inn referred to as bossed ton. I deserve better than an already used world to exist about. I believe I am a being who lives in my own "world" (figuratively typing) and that I've always been a being that lived in my own "world" (figuratively typing and in my "world" (figuratively typing) there is no whole world. I probably think family if I were to choose to have family apart of my "world" (figuratively typing) is relationness of a certain calibur and length of time in the aspect of goodness for all associated with the relationness. There is not anything that is welcomed to wipe a tear(s) from my eye(s). I feel used in an ungood raped way. I deserve the best of goodness possible throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I never deserve all of the "bases" (figuratively typing) of unrighteousness, badness, imperfectness, and evilness. Maybe all that could be perceived as filthy there can be the ability to make a perception of the perceived filthiness as artificial. I should have the choice over my appearance throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. From my "world" (figuratively typing) perspective if there is a divine creator and / or divine creators of this existing existence that the divine creator and / or divine creators is to myself absolute "vaginaness" (figuratively typing) throughout all time including any time. My definition of "vaginaness" (figuratively typing) is like cateringness in the aspect of goodness to extroness. I am "vaginalessness" (figuratively typing) throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I do not deserve "penisness" (figuratively typing). My definition of "penisness" (figuratively typing) is like the ability of offensive attack. My "world" perspective is all of a similar origin as myself is "vaginalessness" (figuratively typing) unless consciously otherwise and maybe there is likewise truth. My "world" (figuratively typing) perspective if appearing to be of a species of an alive calibur that on the inside of that appearance should be of that species unless the appearance is unalive and this has always been my "world" perspective. From my "world" (figuratively typing) absolute innocent righteousness should always have the ability to leave any including all of badness, evilness, and wrongness throughout all time including any time and maybe there is agreeness. I am innocent righteousness and have felt at time like I am surrounded by evil and I get soo panicked because this is too horrible and I never get help. There should never be anything including everything to disconnect (including all the "bases" of disconnect) goodness from being bestowed unto myself throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth and a verbal statement will be made. I should be able to do anything including everything throughout all time including any time in absolute goodness righteousness and maybe there is likewise truth and a verbal statement will be made. I don't understand this existence especially the human fleshes that I think can be referred to as I think oriental and unoriental in the worldly aspect. I was really awake at a time and felt hardcore spiritually raped and was easing the emotional pain with drinking some alcohol and then I awakened outside quite some distance away from where I was seemingly hours in the worldly aspect had passed and my bag with stuff considered to myself to be very personal was missing. My sleep with the past extro worldly measure of I think about 4 years has been overloaded with nostalgic spiritually bombarding disgust that rapes me to stay alive when I don't want to live and I think my mental health is baddened because of suchness and even forces myself to drink because the trespass on my mind is soo awfully nasty. I believe myself has been hugely exploited supposedly worldwide. I despise this creation and believe I always have. Maybe I have seen a bird seeming like unbird was residing in the bird. I think drinking intoxicating liquid can be good especially if a mentalness has remained the same for soo long and under repression. I am still alive when I don't want to be alive and I need help to die as in like passing. My "heart" (figuratively typing) felt cut in my sleep. Maybe there's thought of having too much worldly valuables. My last sleep was outside. Maybe if inable to properly communicate could cause "deadeningness" (figuratively typing). From my "world" (figuratively typing) perspective all of a similar origin as myself should be in an existence and / or existences of absolute goodness righteousness throughout all time including any time unless consciously otherwise and maybe there is likewise truth. I deserve to communicate the best possible throughout all time including anytime and maybe there is likewise truth. In my "world" (figuratively typing) absolute goodness righteousness is the dominant reigning power throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise belief and maybe a verbal statement will be made. There in the least was a trespassness in my mind that was seeming to masturbate in my mind within the past extro worldly measurement of a year while I was trying to I think focus and I think the trespassness on my mind seemed femalelike and that the trespassness robbed me of my virginity of my mind before I think I spoke from the "angle" (figuratively typing) of myself being in my "world" (figuratively typing) something like "absolute goodness righteousness is the dominant reigning power throughout all time including any time." and maybe there is peception of value to make a verbal statement absolutely correctly and in belief that the verbal statement will be forever. I am utterly more righteous upon everything including anything throughout all time including any time. From my "world" (figuratively typing) perspective a divine creator and / or divine creators of this existing existence should always care in the aspect of goodness for all lifeness of this existing existence throughout all time including any time and always be entirely healthily conscious and maybe there is likewise truth. Maybe a person welcomingly schedules an appointment to have their teeth looked at for free and then keeps their lips restrained during the entire time of the appointment then I think this would seem really stupid to do. I don't have a sword in my mouth. I should always be pristinely perfect throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I am in the wrong existenceness and that I have always been in the wrong existenceness. From my "world" perspective all of a similar origin as myself should reside in their own "world" (figuratively typing) and the dominating reigning power is absolute goodness righteousness throughout all time including any time unless consciously otherwise and maybe there is likewise truth. Any including all divine creators must be any including all of poorness, evilness, and stupidness if I ever any including all of badness, evilness, and wrongness. I should not exist in a creation and / or creations with any including all of badness, evilness, and wrongness throughout all time including any time and maybe there is likewise truth. I don't want to be alive beyond utterly if badness, evilness, and wrongness ever exist and should have never lived if any including all of badness, evilness, and wrongness exist. I should not ever do any including all badness, evilness, and wrongness throughout all time including any time. I truly have felt purely molested because of the overwhelmtion of dreamness I've experienced. I don't think I can really ever trust anything including everything throughout all time including any time. I am not sure if I have typed, spoke, written, and phrased all my speaking, typing, writing, and phrasing absolutely correctly and the best to speak, write, type, and phrase."
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Why is it that I cannot give up wearing sandals, shorts, and a t-shirt even though it is obviously cold outside? It's as if the idea of losing the memories of the summer is too unbearable, or maybe I just don't want to admit that the inevitable is coming. I know it will eventually get too cold for my clothing habits, yet I desperately hope for something to intervene. Perhaps global warming won't be so bad after all. Sure, thousands of species will become extinct, but at least I'll be able to wear my sandals year round. Gee, I'm starting to sound human. Caring only about what affects me and nothing more.
My thoughts are terribly confusing. They are torn between two sides. The first is my current life. Although its end is nearing, I am presently in the military. From my experiences I have learned everything that I should have learned before hand, but that is neither here nor there. Heartache, loyalty, disappointment, resentment, and even love. Through my years of enlistment I have met many people, some whom I care about and some whom I do not; nonetheless, they are all important in my life. I have even met my now wife which is probably the best thing that I can pull from all of these years. On the other hand, I have the life I could be living, which, lovely thinking, does not include the military. If my path of college had not failed, I would already have a bachelors degree, working on my masters, and eventually my doctorate. I would be one step closer to the dreams and aspirations my life was once blessed with, but none of that seems possible now. I perhaps would have never made it through college without the knowledge I possess now, but in the same aspect, I may be stuck in a life I do not wish to live because of the path I chose. Can I still go to college while supporting a wife and child? Will I be smart enough to take the classes I wish to take? I fear that I have lost all that I learned in high school, which is the foundation upon which college is based on. I have not a single regret in regards to my wife and daughter; they are the world to me, and I will do everything and anything for them. Ironic, isn't it, that what dreams and aspirations I have, fullfilled, would be the best thing for all of us? I would be able to support all three of us with no fear of finding a job, having money, food, clothing, shelter, etc. I mean, a job in the science field is usually accompanied by a fairly generous pay check. Granted, money is not everything, but it sure as hell does make the world go 'round, and without money you're not shit. The way I think about it, I have two choices. After my enlistment has expired, I either find a job right away and stick with it for years upon years, whether or not I will be happy doing what I will be doing is questionable but it will provide a pay check to put food on the table. Option B is to go ahead and go to school, take the classes I've always wanted to take, get that degree that could possibly land me the career I've always wanted, all the while taking on some low paying job just to make some extra money, while Lisa works full time to give us some actual income. The latter seems more logical, of course, but what if I... fail? What if I cannot do what I couldn't do four years ago? I do believe I found something I fear. Failure. It seems to be following me around lately, and if I can't shake it, well, my questions will still stand: what do I do?
On a more positive note, I should be receiving a large paycheck come the first. A few months of back pay for BAQ, Decembers BAQ, and the normal check. Can you say four grand? Maybe even more? I'm definitely not mad at that. Speaking of December, I will be turning twenty three on the seventh. So, what have I done that most twenty three year olds haven't done? After growing up in Rhode Island, I've lived in Texas, Florida, Virginia, Nevada, Georgia, and Japan. I've married and have an absolutely beautiful daughter. Now, what do they have that I don't? Oh, that's right, an education. Now all I can think of is the paragraph above.
Something interesting that the wife and I were talking about. I wish that I was proud of my job in the Air Force. I wish that I could be all hoorah and hua about this and that, but I just don't think that what I do is anything to write home about. I mean, from my point of view, I help support the waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars per day, and for what, oil? I don't even want to rant about this, so I won't, but the brainwashing just never worked with me. I wanted to be brainwashed, too; I was hoping basic training would carve me into the poster boy airman, that the "serving your country" spam that they feed us would break my defenses. I wanted to be that guy that, when asked what he was doing with his life, would respond with, "I serve my country with honor and pride. What do you do?" I guess you don't get everything you wish for, huh. In the end I'm glad I never broke, because serving this country is not anything to be proud of. Part of me is damn glad that I'm leaving the service. Sure, we have a nicely written past that we read about in our text books, but look at our current state of affairs right now. Oil sure doesn't seem to be a good excuse for massacre. Doesn't seem like a good excuse for staging terrorist attacks on NYC, then waging a war against "terrorism," which, if you haven't noticed, is not the kind of war you just "win." Apparently no one has realized that we are terrorists, therefore we are waging war against ourselves. I sure hope we win, guys. The end of the war is going to great, with every terrorist gone from this earth. Too bad there will be no one left to enjoy the peace.
Q: Who is Beverly Clearly?
A: A children's book author.
So Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I won't even bother writing about my immense sadness that I won't be having Thanksgiving dinner with my wife (our first Thanksgiving), daughter (her first Thanksgiving), mother, and other family. And no, I don't have any dinner plans with friends. I do have plans, though. I figure if I'm going to be alone on Thanksgiving I might as well make it worth it. What better time to go to the gym than on Thanksgiving night? Who else in there right mind is working out when they can be eating a plump, juicy turkey with "all tha fixins"? Everyone else is going to get fat on Thursday, I'm going to get a work out. I haven't committed myself to working out for a few years, and as such I haven't been to the gym in quite a while. The first day back at the gym is always the most motivating, so I'll have free range on all equipment and weights. I will feel a little guilty for not eating some of our feathered friends, though. Perhaps I'll purchase a Hungry Man Turkey Dinner from the commissary the day before?
What better way to hide your sadness than self-improving optimism?
I did give in to my money spending urges today. I bought a book called "The Wheel of Darkness," by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Description: "A luxury ocean liner on its maiden voyage across the North Atlantic, awash in wealth and decadence... An ancient Tibetan box, its contents unknown, sealed with a terrifying warning... An FBI agent destined to confront what he fears most--himself." THE WHEEL OF DARKNESS- "When the Agozyen walks the Western Sea, And Darkness upon darkness wheels, The waters shall rise up in fury..." The first chapter was pretty interesting, so I'll try to write a spoiler free report after I finish.
Retrospect--the good ol' days.
I didn't think Thanksgiving would be this hard. All I can think about is Lisa, Adriana, and the rest of the family.
Well, I spent all Thanksgiving reading "The Wheel of Darkness." I have to say, it was one of the better books I've had the privilage to read. One chapter in and I couldn't put it down. Literally. I spent the entire day reading it from chapter two to the end. A definite five star read. To my surprise, this is not the first book of its kind; the "Pendergast novels," as they call it, are eight deep so far, with "The Wheel of Darkness" on the latter end. In order, "Relic," "Reliquary," "The Cabinet of Curiosities," "Still Life with Crows," "Brimstone," "Dance of Death," and "The Book of the Dead." Pendergast is the protagonist in the novels, by the way. Also, isn't "The Book of the Dead" the "Necronomicon" or something to that affect? I'm not sure where I heard that but it sounds so familiar. This is going to annoy the piss out of me until I figuer it out... I wish I had the internet in this cubicle.
I've been getting into too many fights lately. It isn't like me to fight at all, but my former friends... a few of them are just so childish, it reminds me of high school. It just so happens that my level of caring is so low nowadays and the simple taunts make me break. I've been lucky to avoid trouble so far but unless I calm down a bit I fear that trouble will be in my face sooner than I think. Even though the chances of staying on this island are slim to none, there is still a slight chance it could happen, and fighting is not going to help at all.
Even though it is quite cold outside, I will be snorkling next week, after my base restriction is null and void. Pictures will be taken (underwater camera), I don't care how cold it is. I wouldn't bother until next summer but the cold hard fact that I need to admit to myself is that there will most likely not be a next summer in Okinawa. I'm not leaving without underwater pictures, so I'll just have to suck it up and be cold.
Speaking of Okinawa, Sarah would die if she saw what I drank a few weeks ago. A Final Fantasy Potion. Family Mart sells official FF potions, which tastes kind of like Lifeguard, almost like a calmer Red Bull without the energy. It is indeed delicious, although the price tag isn't very friendly; 200 Yen for one. The can is just like all of the other Japanese cans, which are a lot tougher than American cans. The only way to crush them is to step on them. The cans feature one of several FF7 scenes, Advent Children style. Nifty.
Oh, a question for everyone: Is Wendy's selling a "Creamy Mushroom Chicken" sandwich back in the states?
Japan makes me jealous. Most advertisements in the newspaper and on the streets include a special barcode which will bring you to a special website that usually includes coupons not normally available. You simply scan it on your computer with a bar code scanner or on your cell phone, most of which have bar code scanners. I know that ProJo was trying to introduce the same type of product but I don't remember it ever lifting off quite far. Oh, and let's not forget the drink machines that allow you to use your SIM card to pay, which in turn adds the price to your cell phone bill. Some even accept credit card! Grr... I'm going to miss this place so much.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
First of all and most importantly, Lisa, Adriana, and I. We will be a real family come the end of July. That's right, I am getting married to an amazing woman who will soon be named Lisa Murphy. Our little sugar cube, Adriana, will soon be adopted. Bachelor party Saturday, July 14th, 2007, at The Bar, on the lovely island of Okinawa, Japan. Come one, come all, if you are on Okinawa during that day.
Perhaps this should be the most important (don't hate, Lisa), but Billy Corgan is going to be in Guitar Hero III! Yes, that's right, The Smashing Pumpkins will be in the next installation of my addiction. The song? Cherub Rock, off of Siamese Dream. Not too shabby! I would like to have Silverfuck or Geek USA instead, or maybe even Rhinoceros, but hey, whatev, I'm still excited.
Speaking of my Pumpkins, I'm kind of annoyed at the internets. First off, let it be known that I've been an avid fan of Billy and the Orange Fruit/Veggie Things for quite some time, since 1989. Well, as some of you might know, Billy is back with SP and a new single, Tarantula. It is to be expected that some excitement should envelope their comeback; HOWEVER! Do not be a douche and jump on the band wagon that you've been their biggest fan since Gish! These people are most likely 14 year olds that listened to 1979 last year or something. Hell, when that album was released, they would have been 2! I'm really not vexed by the fact that they are lying, I'm pissed that they are lying about liking MY favorite band! Argh, silly emo kids.
For all of you Rhode Island kiddies, I shall be on the peninsula July 16th... so get ready to greet me with cards conveniently filled with lovely green backs. Also, I will have use of my Mazda so Boston will be one of my destinations. I'm a bit different than most of you may have remembered so be prepared.
Oh, speaking of Guitar Hero, I hereby challenge anyone to a friendly game of me kicking your ass. Seriously, I am holding an international competition. Why do I feel that I rock so much? I recently completed "Jordan" by Buckethead on Expert with a 97%. Hey! You! Pick your jaw up from the ground this very instant! See? I rock. Word.
Guitar Hero III has online play. So the recently mentioned international competition? Access: Granted.
More to come soon... I must go destroy some previous Guitar Hero scores. Oh, and the name of my band? The Rock Horror Show.
Friday, March 23, 2007
My lovely new PS3, complete with an extra controller, Gundam Musou (Japanese only Gundam game), and a bunch of candy.
I love random Japanese food.
The best drink in the world. Apple Tea is by far superior to Sweet Tea. I drink this stuff by the gallon and I've not gotten sick of it in the least bit.
Oh yes, a Sega arcade. These arcades are scattered across the island, so no matter where you are, there is a Sega arcade near you.
In Japan it is common to purchase a Jew at your local Ju Shop. They work efficiently and you don't have to pay them!
Just a random picture of what Japan looks like. This is off Rt. 58, one of the highways here on the island.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Well, take a glass and fill it 1/2 way with water. Add some ice, and the water level rises, right?
So take all of the living creatures out of the sea, the water level would decrease, right?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
So Japan is wonderful! The island I'm on (Okinawa) is beautiful; the weather is beautiful, the scenery is beautiful, the culture is beautiful. Too many beautifuls? Too bad, no other words are quite as beautiful as beautiful. It also helps that I can share my times here with others; I've met many gnarly people here, good people who will have your back.
AR (aircraft recovery) is an amazing change from working Langley flightline. I feel as if I've transfered from the marines to the air force. Hell, I just had a lunch break. Sure, it wasn't an hour lunch break, but I actually get to eat lunch on a daily basis. It's an amazing concept, I know. In all seriousness, though, I actually like what I do and I don't dread going to work every single day. It's a small shop, which I'm def. not used to. All of the people here are all pretty close to each other, and I haven't noticed any drama at work. THAT is def. is a new concept to me; I've always thought drama was a prereq. for working in maintanence.
The island, as mentioned above, it absolutely beautiful. The barn I was at yesterday (more on that below) is right on the beach. Crystal blue water, colorful (and sharp) coral, reminds me of Bermuda. I really need to take more pictures here, but I have been so distracted, taking in all of the scenery. So I promise I will take more pictures... I've been really lazy with pictures as of late, esp. with Lisa. Sorry babe.
There are arcades littered all around the island. We have all the new arcade games, most of which aren't in the states yet. I recently beat the newest House of the Dead and Time Crisis (5 iirc).
Oh, and I purchased a Japanese PS3. You can set the ps3 menu language to English, and Japanese/English PS3's can play both Japanese/English games. Blu-Ray is region free, unlike DVD :) So, for the $600.00 PS3 system (fully upgraded system) in the states, a $60.00 game, and a $50.00 controller, I paid $607.00. See, the PS3 here is 59,959 Yen, which is actually A LOT less than $600.00. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. I have Call of Duty 3 and NBA2k7 for online games, so if anyone wishes to receive a glass of pwnage, feel free to let me know and we'll rock out. Oh, and the Japanese game I bought is the new Gundam game, aptly named Gundam Musou. Ever play Dynasty Warriors? It is EXACTLY the same game, except the chinamen are mecha and the Chinese countryland is space/cities/etc. Yeah, the game fucking rocks. So addicting... Heero pwns all of the MS pilots. Word.
As for the time difference, I'm in a GMT +9 zone. Also, we have no daylight savings time, so the time difference is going to be all sorts of fucked up come Sunday.
Can't call me anymore? Derr, I cut my phone line. I do have a sleu of messengers, a web cam, and a mic. So feel free to contact me in any way you deem fit.
Facebook: USAF network.
I've many others as well, so just tell me what you use and I'll hop on.
Wanna mail me free stuff? Letters? Used panties?
SrA Michael Murphy
PSC 80 Box 22137
APO AP 96367-0106
Yeah, no mail bombs, please. Anthrax is ok though!
Updates to my Grant Miller-inspired series soon.
Oh, about the barn, mentioned above... I've started to volunteer at a Hippotherapy program at a barn in Yomitan. Hippotherapy is a physical, occupational and speech therapy treatment strategy that utilizes equine movement. This particular program focuses on young children with disabilities. Autism, Spectrum Disorders, Cerebral palsy, Cerebral vascular accident (stroke), Developmental delay, Down syndrome, Functional spinal curvature (scoliosis), Learning or language disabilities, Multiple Sclerosis, Sensory integrative dysfunction, and Traumatic brain injury are the main disabilities we deal with. The kids are between 1 and 5, but that is just currently; in the past, kids up to 12 have participated. The kids are adorable, and it's actually really fun playing with them. Read the wiki explanation, it's pretty short but informative. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippotherapy
So the other volunteers, physical therapists, and the barn owner were all impressed with my knowledge and skill with riding and handling of the horses, so they want me to tame and train a currently pissed off horse, Pepper. She is really pissy and loves to bit and pin those ears down. She was actually a show horse, so she is in very good shape and actually rides wonderfully. Very strong (psysical and will haha), gorgeous color too (I say she looks like a dalmation). She was apparently a very sweet gal at one time, but due to her owners husband being deployed frequently and her having to take care of the kids, Pepper was borderline ignored. The barn owner feeds them all everyday, of course, but she just didn't have a lot of attention. So, Pepper is now a pissed off gal. I worked with her a little bit on Wednesday, and I do believe there is hope for her! She is an amazing ride (shut up perverts) and just needs some TLC. Updates on my progress will be had.
Updates, updates, updates! I will be posting more often now that I'm all settled in and comfortable with my surroundings. Pictures, too, I swear.
Monday, January 29, 2007
I have been on a hiatus for quite a few weeks due to my move to Japan, being home on vacation, and general lack of a computer. Updates will start again once I get to my destination (Feb 9th). [Take care.] [See you again!]
Friday, January 05, 2007
I'm on a video posting binge lately. This is one of My Chemical Romance's better songs, from their first album. The video, however, was made by a very talented (and Sims obsessed) YouTuber. He takes elements from all aspects of The Sims 2 and creates an amazing music video. Check it out.
Now this is going to sound incredibly dorky, but this video makes me think. A lot. -- Mainstream TBS is alright IMO; I like them to a degree, but not as much as I did a few years ago. That being said, this video is amazing. For some reason it makes me think about how truly beautiful life can be. The transition from death and destruction to love and life hits me pretty hard, which is pretty amazing considering my soul is already in hell (fucker keeps annoying me with, "when are you getting here?" and, "they really DO serve beer in hell!"), or so I thought.
Anyways, enjoy the video.
I'll still stick to my stereotypical pop-punker ranting, however; sell outs!
(This is the discrepancy)
WCE EQUIP IN INSP WCESEQ PWC ID WUC/LCN J/F SYM R/I SRD SHOP BY ACTION010 ALMFM A2022 01000 N - AAC NO 3315 COMP 04JAN07NARR: LEFT AMAD UPPER AND LOWER MOUNTS REQUIRE MIC CHECK
(This is what was done to remedy the discrepancy)
DDR# TM CP WUC/LCN AT WD HM UP STRT DATE STOP CS CLB AI CC EMP-# AFSC001 B 0 01000 00 2230 07004 2250 2 1 1C 03315 2A731CORR-ACTION: WITHIN TOLERANCE IAW TO 1F-15C-3-2
(Same thing here)
DDR# TM CP WUC/LCN AT WD HM UP STRT DATE STOP CS CLB AI CC EMP-# AFSC002 B 0 01000 01 1100 07004 1130 1 1 1C 03315 2A731CORR-ACTION: WITHIN TOLLERANCE IAW TO 1F-15C-3-2
***** FORMS ENTRY COMPLETE FOR THIS WCE *****
What am I showing you? Note the second DDR, in which user 03315 uses the word "tollerance." Simple typo, you say? I went and asked the said individual how to spell tolerance. "Are you stupid? It's T-O-L-L-E-R-A-N-C." No "E" at the end. Note as well that the word "tolerance" was visible on the screen as he was typing. Even worse, he spelled it right the first time.
These are the people defending your country.
Feel free to move to Canada, eh?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Ex: Mike, I miss you.
Me: What the hell?
Ex: My boyfriend pushed me today and I fell.
Me: Well then dump his bitch ass!
Ex: Well I can't blame him... he thought I was mad with him because of his LD.
Me: His LD?
Ex: He has a potent case of autism.
Me: Hahaha, you're dating a retard AND he kicked your ass?
Ex: Shut up, he is NOT retarded!
Me: Maybe, but you sure as hell are.
(Not caring that I just called her an idiot, she continues)
Ex: My roommate has Assburgers [seriously, she typed that; it is spelt Asperger's] and is blonde and really dumb, but she has a record deal. Do you want her?
Me: No thanks, I only date normal girls, like the one I am dating now.
Ex: She's a virgin.
Me: What kind of record deal? Does she grunt excessively in tune to the beat?
Ex: No, she sings pop.
Me: Same difference.
(Apparently she doesn't mind that I'm insulting her roommate and continues to try to hook us up... still randomly)
Me: So she'll put out?
Ex: But you're hot and smart so you could convince her. By the way she has a boyfriend.
Me: So you want me to run game on a retarded pop singer who is not only a virgin but has a boyfriend?
Ex: She's cute.
Me: You're a moron.
Ex: I miss you.
Me: And I miss slap bracelets. Go away.
There is no God.
Edit: I've been asked when we dated, etc. Ex and I dated when I was in high school, in 2003. We broke up because she cheated on me with her ex.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
Michael Murphy, esteemed winner of the Woodruff School Outstanding Achievement Award for Classified Employees for fall quarter 1994 and spring quarter 1997.
Why I Am Not Him:
The hair. I do not "oversee the capital assets program, manage phone operations and building access, keys, electronic card entry systems and security systems" or any other janitorial task for Georgia Tech. My personal profile is longer than 75 words. I have never worn a shirt as horrendous as his. My nose may be bigger. For God's sake, the hair!
All anonymous comments have been deleted.
Have a great day.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
In other words, my "Snakes On A Plane!" soundtrack, in WMP, says that it is the clean version... yet in the first fifteen seconds of the album, "motherfucker" is expressed twice. Hmm.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
In other news, the ex-gf psycho situation is over and done with... for now. Not sure what I'm talking about? You shouldn't, as I haven't posted anything about it here. That's ok, though. You probably don't want to know all about it, as it is full of drama, suspense, amazment, and action. Wait, that does sound good...
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
...as well as an update about my current crisis.
Monday, October 23, 2006
For a temporary start, I'm going to list a few key goals here.
Let it be known that this will most definately be updated upon.
- Get the hell out of the military.
- Enroll at a quality college...
- ...and get an exceptional education.
- Figure out how to stay motivated.
- Visit every country.
- Escape my money situation and stay out of debt.
- Find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
- Make life in space more than a goal.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Michael Murphy has a huge problem in his life: his interests change almost daily. When attending Suffolk U in 2003, while having no declared major, he was interested in the computing field. His now defunct Suffolk career in his past, he has moved from history to science, mainly biology, at St. Leo on Langley AFB. Whilst he
OK, enough of this "he" crap. My attention span is that of a meth head mouse with a brand spanking new shiny running wheel; practically non-existent and, at best, pretty damn low. Space exploration is still in the realm of science, which is a good thing considering my eye is still in the "up and coming" area. All of my interests seem to involve technology, the future, and the advancement of mankind, save history. At least I've got this "general area" thing going on. I can't do everything, though! Perhaps I've found my niche, or maybe I'm just reliving fond memories?
Fond memories, meaning my childhood. See, like all young tadpoles, I had my "when I grow up" fantasies when I was, well, growing up. I had the classic, "I want to be an astronaut," but I was actually interested in space. I'm not sure what caused my interest to fade (perhaps there is a connection to the young Mike and present Mike), but there was still a spark hidden somewhere inside of me. So am I just reliving what I once wanted, or was that truly an interest that I should pursue?
Life is more complicated the longer you think about it, and I'm not a good enough writer to express it.
Are these people (these people meaning the United States military) really that ignorant that they cannot recognize what a simple cutting of plastic rings is all about? Did we not learn this obvious purpose back in elementary school? Even with an ounce of common sense, Joe Shmoe could figure this out.
This simply reinforces my belief that our military is a plethora of ignorance. While I do believe that we deal with situations that one might not normally encounter, I also believe that three fourths of our armed servicemen/women use our "sacrifice," as many like to call it, as an excuse to be complete and utter morons.
Let us take the most obvious example: college education. In the USAF and every other branch of the military (the latter not proven; I know the Navy has 100% tuition assistance, the Army and USMC most likely have 100% but it might be 75%), we are allowed to take virtually any class, free of cost. The only general exception is if you fail a class, then you owe Uncle Sam the cost of the class. You have your choice of online or traditional classes. You can go to a college off base or take the convenient on base classes. There are morning, afternoon, and night classes. Yet 90% of first term airmen (meaning those in their first enlistment) do not take advantage of this marvelous opportunity. Note that most first term airmen are straight out of high school. Now some of you might say, "Well, what if they are planning on making their enlistment a career? College would be a waste of time." Not only does having a degree help you with promotions, a BA is REQUIRED to make E-8. If you want to have a career in the military, you will most likely want to achieve the highest rank possible, would you not? Others might argue, "After my enlistment is up I'm going to work construction with my dad, so I'm set." Is that absolutely what you want to do? Go from being a pawn in the military to a slave of convenience? Your dad might have a job set up for you but you most likely dream of something completely different. There is also the most classic excuse I hear, "I'll just do it when I get out." You're going to turn down FREE classes just so you can spend your hard earned G.I. Bill after you get out? That 50k isn't going to cover everything, you know. A BA doesn't go as far as it used to. You'll most likely want a Masters if you're going to be the most successful in life. There is also the fact that you'll be out of school for so long, you'll have a hard time getting back into the groove of things. Why not start classes when all of your high school information is still relatively fresh in your mind?
It's everyone's choice as to whether they'll take classes or not, whenever they want to, but it just peeves me to think that people are wasting such a wonderful opportunity so they can be lazy. Maybe it's because I am so thankful that even after my failure in college the first time around, I've been given the chance to continue on after the fact. < /rant>
This is the said piece of shit that breaks every damn day. It's a F-15, C model. Not too exciting. I'm the head mech on it. Again, not too exciting.
Enough of this work mumbo jumbo. I'm a full time college student as well, double majoring in Biology and Computer Engineering. The latter might change to Chemistry or Physics or any other science that I might find particularly interesting. I should be a senior this year; however, due to my enlistment into the military, training, etc, I am currently a freshman. My classes have been put to a halt as of late due to the possibility of moving to Japan in late January. If this proposed move does happen, I will reside in Okinawa, Japan for a minimum of two years. I cannot say I'm not looking forward to this, as I've wanted to go to Japan for many years.
Besides my immense desire to learn everything and anything, I'm also interested in a lot of normal stuff. For sports, I like to watch some football, baseball, basketball, soccer, etc., but my main sport is tennis. I played while in high school and achieved number 1 doubles along with my then partner, whose name I cannot remember. I wasn't the best then, and of course I am still not the best, but I do have a strong desire to become a lot better. Not too many people play, especially in the military, so it is hard to improve my skills, but I try. I love my video games, and play many online RPG's as well as console games. I usually don't play as much as I did when I was younger, but as of late the monetary units in my checking account have become drastically low, so playing games seems to be the only way to not spend money. I recently learned how to skateboard, and try to skate as much as I can. It's definately challenging and annoying at times but I'm learning. Music is a big part of my life, and the range of what I listen to is even bigger. I mainly listen to new age punk, metal, and classic punk, but techno, opera, showtunes, and some hip hop are also parts of my collection. One of my favorite pasttimes is going to see a show, or rather a live concert, but due to my recent money struggles I cannot do so.
Piercings. Absolutely adore them. I would have many but due to my employment in our government I'm not allowed to have any. I do have my tongue pierced, and when some money comes along my nipples will aquire metal companions. Shh, don't tell Uncle Sam.
I've much more to write about, not just about myself but everything that is happening in this world. Know that I will be writing in this as well as my lj, most likely cross posting.